Everyone has the same 24 hours.

That's what we hear all the time - everyone has the same 24 hours in each day, right? If you want something bad enough, you'll make time for it. 

Sure.

Well, I'm here to tell you that no matter your intentions, sometimes it's literally impossible to do everything in a day and feel satisfied. I want to wake up at a decent hour, eat breakfast, workout, go to work, run in the evening, walk my dog with my fiancé, cook and eat dinner together, watch our favorite TV shows and read a few chapters of a book before getting to bed and getting 8 solid hours of sleep. That to me sounds like a 48 hour day.

While we were in the hospital this week we did slow down, but I also felt incredibly behind. I missed two days of work plus an extra shift I picked up and needed to work. My "make $800 extra to put toward the wedding" idea has been successful but so have other expenses that have come up along the way. 

I'm also stressed because I was supposed to start on my new plan this past week and that didn't happen either. I sat and ate hospital food and fro-yo for most of the week and I'm not a fan of open salad bars for hygienic purposes. I was 4 miles from home with an empty fridge and I was between a rock and a hard place.

I worked night shift last night and slept most of the day. We took a walk around our apartment complex, and my planned workout needed equipment I didn't have at my apartment gym and LA Fitness closes crazy early on Sundays. If I didn't love Zumba so much I'd go down the road to the cheap 24 hour gym. But here I am, on the struggle bus (AKA my couch) and I'm totally pulling the "I'll start on Monday card" and I will. I'm on call tomorrow and am likely to get called it, but I'm making the most of my day before then. 

I have so many things I want to do and am struggling with legitimately having the time for it all. I want to run all these half marathons (and I will, I mean I registered already!) but the training hasn't happened. I want to become a triathlete this year. I want to lift weights and continue to lose weight and look fabulous in my wedding dress & bikini. I want to get Zumba certified. I need to take my GRE, need to take my critical care certification, and get my grad school applications done. I need to work overtime and take call to pay for the wedding. I need to spend time with my fiancé and enjoy the rest of our engagement. I need to spend time with my family. I want to read because I love to.

One day, one meal, one workout at a time. Breathe in, breathe out.

My heart is happy.

We were able to come home from the hospital yesterday. I was so thankful to get my love home and comfortable. He's already doing so much better now that he has gotten some good sleep. This makes my heart happy.

I waited to pick up our dog, Penny, from doggie daycare until this afternoon so we could get settled, I could get the house disinfected/clean and get caught up on the laundry. We picked her up and she was so excited to see us! I just love that girl! Her 2nd birthday is this week and I'm excited to celebrate her. My heart is happy.

Sleepy girl.

I ran some errands, restocked our fridge, got the fur children flea and heart worm meds, and got my usual tea at Starbucks. I'm thankful we have the financial means to do all of the above. My heart is happy.

I went to both morning and evening Zumba classes today. Granted, I was half asleep for the first part of the morning class, but then I got to help teach my favorite song. After class another sweet lady, Kym (hi!), told me I was brave and thanked me for sharing on my blog. You made my heart so happy. Then I got to go to the second class of the day and help teach my OTHER favorite song. I heard great music on my drive home with the windows down. 

I have so much each day to be truly thankful for, and my heart is so full and happy.

The other side of the scrubs.

Sitting in the chairs of a hospital room is weird for me. I never sit *in* the room, but usually outside of it as I chart on my patient. This time, my patient really is MY patient - Kyle's laying in the bed I'm sitting beside.

I feel guilty having blown off his flu symptoms as him just being a "whiny sick man". We all know men are big babies when they're sick and in all honesty in our almost 6 years together he has never been truly sick beyond some sniffles and the occasional cough. He had all that plus a 102 fever Wednesday and I knew it would just have to take it's course. 

I left for Minnesota Friday after he had been down and out on the couch for a few days. I was sure by the time I got home Sunday he would be back to himself. Saturday he had my sister bring him to the ER and he got fluids and sent home but that night and into Sunday got rough when he actually began hallucinating and knew he couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. I hadn't gotten home yet and luckily my sister lives fairly close so she was able to check on him and determined he wasn't joking and back to the hospital he went. Diagnosis - severe pneumonia, dehydration, and rhabdomyolysis. The man bought himself a few days stay for triple antibiotics and a whole lot of fluid.

I don't like that I'm not supposed to silence beeping IV pumps and I don't like that I can't see the heart and oxygen monitors in the room so that I know what's going on. It's weird to sit in the chair and ask the questions and not be the one answering. 

He should be home again in a day or two and I'll be here with him til then, but it certainly makes me know the struggle my patients parents go through a bit better now that I'm on the other side.

Wedding Wednesday - April Edition

Wow. Firstly I'm shocked that it's the first week of April! Second, I was blown away by the love and kind words of support and encouragement after yesterday's Transformation Tuesday post. I'm always a work in progress. 

Here we are, another month closer to December AKA the BIG DAY! We've done a bit of work on things since the last update.

Engagement pictures are right around the corner! We set a May 7th appointment with our photographer Erica for our first round of pictures. We chose to have them done in our beloved Columbus in a mix of downtown and on Ohio State's campus. I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it)!

We also are still on our honeymoon hunt! We've narrowed it down between Sandals St. Lucia and Jamaica or a Princess Cruise leaving out of Houston and sailing to Cozumel, Honduras, and Belize. The multiple locations sound appealing and the flight is cheaper than going on an international flight. The Sandals all sound amazing so it's really hard to choose! We're also planning a honeymoon registry and Sandals does their own or we can go through the travel agent we've been talking with to help choose our trip. 

I've also been e-mailing and keeping things as organized as possible for my bridal party! After being in more than my fair share of weddings, I understand how frustrating it can be to not know when anything is happening, what I'm supposed to wear, what's going on with hair/makeup/etc. I think it's important to keep everyone as "in the loop" as possible so those who are there to support you on your biggest day know exactly what's going on and when!

Next up - accessory & shoe shopping!

Putting it, and myself, all out there. Transformation time.

As most of you know who spend any time on social media sites - Tuesday is unofficially "Transformation Tuesday".  I typically find some comparison shots and put them side by side to show some progress I've made and have done collages of my face and how it's changed, outfits side by side, and more recently some side by sides in a little bit less clothing than I'd normally wear and post pictures in, but nothing too risqué.

I have promised you all long that when I was ready, I'd share my transformation pictures from when I started.  Today is that day.

I don't know really how I decided I was finally ready, but I am.  These are embarrassing, but I'm also extremely proud.  I wish I didn't have to find myself at 245 pounds, unable to close the seatbelt on a roller coaster that I'd ridden the year or so before to have my "ah ha" moment.  I wish it wouldn't have been so funny at the time that going to the buffet after this incident was naturally the only thing to do.

I AM glad that I "thought it would be funny" to run 26 miles on my 26th birthday.  I am glad that I have a favorite charity to run and raise money for and knowing that made me keep going - when people give you money, you kind of have to - word to the wise.  I'm also glad I made the decision to take a picture on January 1st, 2013 when I decided that someway, somehow - I was going to change my life.  I needed to.  I HAD to because I certainly wasn't healthy and was a terrible example as a nurse for my patients and others around me.  It was time for a change.  Now I have that picture to compare when I think I'm having a bad day, and I'm struggling making the decision on what I SHOULD eat instead of what I want to eat.  I don't have it all figured out just yet.  Every meal is a struggle because it's a whole lot easier to go through a drive thru - and often cheaper - to get something than purchase and prepare good foods.  It's upsetting, but it's true.  I lived that lifestyle of work, eat, sleep, repeat.  Except add "eat" in there a few more times.  I was/am addicted to food, I'd sneak to get it, eat multiple dinners (one on my way home from work, one at home too), hide the evidence of fast food, and I was pretty good at it.  Except it shows on the outside what you put on the inside.  If I had to guess, I'd say I was eating about 3,000-4,000+ calories a day - and that is how you get into the position I was in, and hardly even realized I was doing it. Until you actually care to look and track what you're putting into your mouth, it's amazing to know just how many calories are in things.

Today - I track.  Even if it's not on MyFitnessPal every single day, I am very aware of what I've eaten.  I ask myself when I'm struggling "Is this GOOD for you?  Will this DO ANYTHING good for your body?" and about 90% of the time I win that battle with myself in moments of weakness.  No, not every time.  I'm not perfect.  I crave and want things I don't always let myself have.  I think this will be a life long battle for me.  It's not me vs. food - it's me vs. myself.

So, as promised - here I am.  I am proud beyond measure of what I have done in the last 15 months. 

I have a long way to go - but I'm not done.  Yes, I have stretch marks. A lot of them. No, they aren't from the miracle of child birth, but from a lot of years of poor food choices. They have faded, but are a constant reminder of what I have put my body through.

While I'm in the sharing mood - I have some other news I'm excited to tell you all about!  I had been working with my trainer Sara on and off since last July and I had wonderful results while following her nutrition and exercise plans while training for the marathon.  I stepped back from it but loosely ate based off of what I learned from her about what works for my body and what doesn't.  I maintained my weight through my vacation/holidays/the new year with only 24 day challenges in between and that is pretty amazing.  However, I felt it was time to go in a new direction and change things up a bit.  I will start training with Darin from FiveStarr Fitness very soon!  We're in the process of getting my plan set up, fully customized for me, my goals (Wedding dress!  Bikini honeymoon!), and where I want to go from here. I wanted to try something new and I've found a nice new place with some amazing girls who I feel support from already and I haven't even started yet.  I'm excited for this change and where I can go from here.