Why I gave up my Fitbit.

I attribute a lot of my early weight loss to my awareness of how many calories I burnt vs. took in using activity monitors.  I started with my BodyMedia arm band, which I loved, but it was huge and not attractive.  I switched and started wearing a Polar Loop monitor which was not as bulky but definitely not as accurate.  I then got a FitBit.  I absolutely 100% loved my Fitbit and the competitive nature of the app and having "friends" to compete with for the most steps taken was the icing on the cake.

 I got hooked on knowing all my numbers every day.  I was (borderline) obsessed. I uploaded and checked my status of steps taken and calories burnt multiple times a day. I wouldn't even take the FitBit off to shower. It had gotten out of hand.

The decision was actually made for me with the recall of the FitBit and my wearing it in the shower habit.  I didn't get the rash that was the reason for the recall, but I had gotten condensation in the screen and the battery life was 24 hours or less. THAT was annoying.  I took advantage of the recall and sent my FitBit back and haven't tracked my activity on a daily basis since.  It's pretty liberating.

I felt trapped and obsessed with the numbers.  If I wasn't hitting my numbers every day, I was failing.  THAT'S why I wasn't losing weight.  Had to be.  It wasn't the crappy food I was reintroducing more frequently in my life or the fact that I wasn't training for a marathon and running 20 miles a week or more.  This summer and this time in my life is different and I'm very likely not going to lose 10-15 pounds a month like I did before.

I have a trainer for a reason.  I've loved being back in the gym and lifting weights and feeling stronger. Even if I *only* lose a pound per week, which, is the way to do it and I know that, I'll still be 30 pounds closer to my goal in time for the wedding.  I have to trust him and follow the plan, because it IS working.  I was even allowed a cheat meal last weekend (and hopefully this weekend too - I'll talk to him in a few hours) and am at my lowest weight of my journey to date.  I was 188.0 pounds this morning, which actually puts me down 2 pounds from last week.  Not complaining :)

Anyway, moral of the story is that while technically weight loss is done by burning more calories than you consume, making good/better choices and just being active can help.  Slow progress is better than no progress, and my mind is in a better place without the numbers game.

The days of Mothers and Fathers.

I'm not a parent, but I know parenting is hard. I know this is blog is about my "journey", but where I come from, quite literally, is part of that, so let me step back from running, weight loss, and wedding talk for a moment to talk about my parents.

Both of my parents are sick. Both of them have been disabled since I was 12. They divorced when I was very young and by good luck on my end, I acquired two rockstar step-parents.

I grew up living with my mom and step-dad and did the every other weekend/holidays/6 weeks of the summer schedule. When my dad began to develop obvious signs of Huntington's disease, I recognized them from seeing my grandfather go through similar changes. When my mom was going doctor to doctor, looking for a diagnosis, I learned a lot about doing laundry, making dinner, and accepting the fact that her after work Bud Light was becoming more of a lunch time head start most days. When she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, she was happy for an actual diagnosis after many other incorrect guesses. Life hasn't been the same in that house since then.

I joke and say I've been a grown up since I was 5 years old, but I truly feel like I have been. I've been a caregiver my whole life and it lead me to my career in nursing as a glorified paid caregiver. I made it through high school working nearly full time, taking AP classes, participating in extra curricular activities, and being home ALWAYS before curfew. My mom and I grew distant while I spent so much time away from home and her increasingly home-bound. I've not been able to keep myself close with her despite her want to keep our relationship that way, but in more details than I care to share even here, it's safe to say we will never be that close mother-daughter duo.

I was a total daddy's girl. I've always had sympathy for him and having Huntington's. As a child, knowing then I had a 50/50 chance of inheriting the disease myself, it was definitely on the forefront of my mind all the time. I knew he couldn't control what was happening to him and when it came time to move him to a nursing home, it was one of the worst and most difficult days of my life. He has lived in a nursing facility for 6 years and hasn't been at home, even to visit, for the last few years due to his decline. It breaks my heart.

Luckily, as mentioned, I have phenominal step-parents. My step dad, Paul, had always been there for me, even when I was a terrible, awful teenage girl with hormones and *the worst* life. He caught for me in the back yard while I practiced pitching, taught me how to change my own oil and car tires, and will walk me down the aisle at my wedding. He's a trooper to have taken me on. My step-mom, Jody, is a saint. She married my dad with the knowledge he could end up taking care of my dad, and she has done so for the last 20 years. She's done whatever it's taken to make sure he is taken care of, even if it means she has to struggle. She was with me when I picked out my wedding dress and she's the first one I call when I have a problem. Boy, did I win the step-parent lottery or what?!

As we know, today is Mother's Day. It's hard for me to like this day because I didn't have the perfect mom and we don't have a great relationship - but I've had so many great examples of mothers throughout my life that I know what kind of mother I hope to be someday in spite of it all. I feel the same about Father's Day. I'm fortunate enough to know the love of great father figures, and I know Kyle will one day be a dad worth celebrating as well.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you - the biological, birth mothers, adoptive mothers, grandmothers, and all of those who fill the role, even in the smallest of ways - thank you.

Wedding Wednesday - May edition!

Hello all you beautiful people!  It's that time again - Wedding Wednesday!

I left you last month with lots of cliffhangers, and lots of little things and some big things have happened in the wedding front!

Firstly - and the biggest thing - we booked our honeymoon!  We were torn between several of the Sandals resorts and I looked into flights and they were all going to be international and more costly than just flying within the US.  So, we decided that we wanted to do a Princess cruise out of Texas.  We get to visit Honduras, Belize, and Cozumel on our week long cruise and take in the sights along the way from our balcony on the 14th floor suite at the front of the ship!  It was actually cheaper to get the suite on the ship than one of the rooms with a nice view at any of the Sandals.  We are definitely going through with the Honeymoon Registry through the HoneyFund - an online 3rd party source that we found that had the lowest fees (around 2%) and works directly with PayPal to get us the funds that we receive.  We don't need a whole lot as far as a traditional registry, so we are excited to have this as an option.  I recently had a co-worker take a cruise to the same locations with a different cruise line and said the excursions were so much fun!  I definitely want to see the Ruins and the sea turtle farm and dark cave river rafting tour seems exciting!  I'm very much looking forward to the trip!

We also ordered and quickly received our cake topper from an online store I found on Facebook.  It's a super cute purple peacock and I'm excited to already have it on hand for when we go in the next few months to taste and choose a cake!  This is the part Kyle is most excited about - obviously.

Later today we're taking our engagement pictures!  I'm excited to finally show off the dress I picked up while I was in Minnesota and wear some of my favorite pieces of jewelry from my Chloe and Isabel collection.  We're meeting our photographer, Erica, in Columbus and we'll be doing a few outfit changes and locations.  I think I've been looking forward to engagement pictures almost as much as I was for dress shopping!  I'm getting my makeup done for my trial before our shoot with the same aesthetician who will be working with my girls and I the day of the wedding so I'll look picture perfect. Kyle doesn't love pictures so this is the perfect opportunity for us to get some great shots to have forever.  I'm excited to capture this moment in our lives.

Did you do an engagement shoot?  Have you ever used or bought from a Honeymoon Registry?

Flying Pig half marathon 2014 recap.

Flying Pig weekend has ended as quickly as it began! This week had been crazy busy and before I knew it, it was time to go pick up my race packet.

Friday I headed downtown to the Duke Energy Center and Millenium hotel across the street to get my race pack and check out the expo. Usually everything is all in one place, and after I zig-zagged through the vendors to the t-shirt area did I find out I needed my pack and had to go all the way out and back across the street to get it. I should have known better but I got pretty frustrated and from what I hear they will have both in the same place again next year.

I picked up my tutu and found a booth with race jewelry after I got back through to get my shirt. When I ran the Columbus Marathon I wanted a 26.2 pendant to add to my necklace but couldn't find anything. I snatched one up and love it! 

I made it home through the traffic and hit the sheets. Saturday I was planning to meet up with Kelsey and Brittney from Knoxville who were here to do the 3-way challenge and were running the 10K and 5K that morning. We met and intended to meet Olympic runner Ryan Hall who was there this weekend and not only won but set the record for the 10K race! The line was super long so we browsed the expo and took lots of pictures!

Besties!

Creeping on an Olympian.

We drove across the river into northern Kentucky to Outback Steakhouse and had a yummy pre-race dinner before we parted ways for the night. It felt like we had known each other for years! They were classic southern belle's and I can't wait to visit with them again!

I made it home and hit the sheets around 9 since I was getting up at 4:15. The alarm went off before I knew it and I was up and ready in just a few minutes -  thankfully my hair cooperated with this plan.

Flat Lindsay. Yes, that's a tutu and pig tail!

I was out the door at 4:50 and parked at 5:30. I later regretted this free parking spot close to the start when it was a 20 minute walk after from the finish line! I got lined up quickly, snapped a pre-race picture with Kelsey and Brittney and my friend Jocelyn that I worked with (she's moving to Denver...tomorrow!) joined me in my corral for a few selfies and hugs.

We both rocked tutus!

6:30 and the race was started! It took about 15:00 to get to the start but that's the beauty of a chip timed race. 

Pre race selfie! Like my pig tail?

The course was lined with people almost the entire time and the city of Cincinnati showed up to support all the runners! The weather was perfect - not too hot or too cold, and overcast until the last few miles. 

I had a few super emotional moments while running. I started and ran consistently for the first 7 miles and that put me right into Eden Park - AKA the hill zone. The bridges are surprisingly steep at the start of the race but this part of the course for about 2.5 miles is almost all uphill. I remember how AWFUL I felt doing this part of the course 2 years ago. I wanted to quit so badly and felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. This year, I felt strong. Just after the split for the full and the half around mile 9 it starts a down hill and I remembered how that part was even terrible because how bad my legs hurt last time. This time, after the Park, I walked and ran the down hills to the finish. 

I went in to this race really untrained and wanted to just have fun. Honestly, it was the best time I've had at a race probably ever. The crowds, volunteers, and other runners made the day so fun! I literally gave hundreds of high fives and smiled the whole way. I am so looking forward to race pictures for once!

My next half isn't until August, and as a promise to Kyle to NOT pay for any more races, I won't be doing the sprint triathlon in June as planned. I'm excited to see what I can do the next few months working with Darin and see how running once a week for an hour (or more, depending on my plan each week) plus strength training will help for my next race. No plan, no training, just trusting my body (who clearly knows what's up these days).

For now...I sleep.

Flying Pig half marathon 2014 recap.

Flying Pig weekend has ended as quickly as it began! This week had been crazy busy and before I knew it, it was time to go pick up my race packet.

Friday I headed downtown to the Duke Energy Center and Millenium hotel across the street to get my race pack and check out the expo. Usually everything is all in one place, and after I zig-zagged through the vendors to the t-shirt area did I find out I needed my pack and had to go all the way out and back across the stret to get it. I should have known better but I got pretty frustrated and from what I hear they will have both in the same place again next year.

I picked up my tutu and found a booth with race jewelry after I got back through to get my shirt. When I ran the Columbus Marathon I wanted a 26.2 pendant to add to my necklace but couldn't find anything. I snatched one up and love it! 

I made it home through the traffic and hit the sheets. Saturday I was planning to meet up with Kelsey and Brittney from Knoxville who were here to do the 3-way challenge and were running the 10K and 5K that morning. We met and intended to meet Olympic runner Ryan Hall who was there this weekend and not only won but set the record for the 10K race! The line was super long so we browsed the expo and took lots of pictures!

Besties!

Creeping on an Olympian.

We drove across the river into northern Kentucky to Outback Steakhouse and had a yummy pre-race dinner before we parted ways for the night. It felt like we had known each other for years! They were classic southern belle's and I can't wait to visit with them again!

I made it home and hit the sheets around 9 since I was getting up at 4:15. The alarm went off before I knew it and I was up and ready in just a few minutes -  thankfully my hair cooperated with this plan.

Flat Lindsay. Yes, that's a tutu and pig tail!

I was out the door at 4:50 and parked at 5:30. I later regretted this free parking spot close to the start when it was a 20 minute walk after from the finish line! I got lined up quickly, snapped a pre-race picture with Kelsey and Brittney and my friend Jocelyn that I worked with (she's moving to Denver...tomorrow!) joined me in my corral for a few selfies and hugs.

We both rocked tutus!

6:30 and the race was started! It took about 15:00 to get to the start but that's the beauty of a chip timed race. 

Pre race selfie! Like my pig tail?

The course was lined with people almost the entire time and the city of Cincinnati showed up to support all the runners! The weather was perfect - not too hot or too cold, and overcast until the last few miles. 

I had a few super emotional moments while running. I started and ran consistently for the first 7 miles and that put me right into Eden Park - AKA the hill zone. The bridges are surprisingly steep at the start of the race but this part of the course for about 2.5 miles is almost all uphill. I remember how AWFUL I felt doing this part of the course 2 years ago. I wanted to quit so badly and felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. This year, I felt strong. Just after the split for the full and the half around mile 9 it starts a down hill and I remembered how that part was even terrible because how bad my legs hurt last time. This time, after the Park, I walked and ran the down hills to the finish. 

I went in to this race really untrained and wanted to just have fun. Honestly, it was the best time I've had at a race probably ever. The crowds, volunteers, and other runners made the day so fun! I literally gave hundreds of high fives and smiled the whole way. I am so looking forward to race pictures for once!

My next half isn't until August, and as a promise to Kyle to NOT pay for any more races, I won't be doing the sprint triathlon in June as planned. I'm excited to see what I can do the next few months working with Darin and see how running once a week for an hour (or more, depending on my plan each week) plus strength training will help for my next race. No plan, no training, just trusting my body (who clearly knows what's up these days).

For now...I sleep.

Tomorrow morning.

At this time tomorrow, I'll be sitting with my love at Longhorn steakhouse eating my post-run ritual meal. It started after I finished my first half marathon in 2011 and I don't remember why we went there of all places to eat, but it kind of stuck.

When significant events (like tomorrow being my 6th half marathon!) happen along this journey I can't help but feel so nostalgic for all that's happened. I've been at this for 16 months now and it feels like 5 minutes. Some days feel like they drag on forever and then weeks and months have gone by in the blink of an eye. This time last year I was so happy to have lost 18 pounds and was wearing a cute maxi dress with NO SPANX. None! Then the next time I went to wear it, it was so big that I couldn't wear it and that was a first for me. Now I wore a dress this last week that was above the knee AND didn't require Spanx either.

The fact of the matter is when I step into my corral at the start tomorrow at the Cincinnati Flying Pig, I will likely be the only person who hasn't trained for this event. I haven't ran since the Heart Mini half in February. But the difference is now I'm so much healthier than I've ever bed and I'll be able to finish this race. In 2011 when I did my first half I was miserable and the first words out of my mouth when we got to the car and I sat down was "I'm NEVER doing that again". Moral of the story? Don't quit. You'll surprise yourself and the surprise and feelings of victory are so worth it.

Look at me now. That's all I've been thinking about today. Half Mary Number 6 - the half dozen - see you in the morning.

Trainer Update and Fundraiser!

It's Flying Pig weekend!  I've been so, so busy and it snuck up on me.  How can it be May already?!

I'm super excited for this race (not the big Eden Park hill on these untrained legs!) and to meet Kelsey and Brittney who are coming up from Tennessee to run this weekend too!  April was a whirlwind month of crazy and I travelled to Minneapolis, spent 5 days in the hospital with Kyle, started working with my new trainer, worked 2 weekends in a row, had my first Chloe and Isabel Pop Up party, had two volunteer commitments, and registered for the GRE.

So I was supposed to begin with my trainer after I got home from Minnesota but that didn't happen with us being at the hospital so that got put off a week.  I've loved working with Darin and have enjoyed the workouts he's written for me and especially my meal plan.  I feel satisfied and not restricted and know carbs don't have to be the enemy.  I'm excited to see what kind of progress we can make over the next several months leading up to the wedding!  He's super easy to work with and I actually enjoy our "check in" calls every week to make sure things are going well.

I volunteered this last Wednesday night at a Huntington's Disease fundraiser called Cocktails at Clovernook which is a country club on the west side of Cincinnati.  I worked the raffle table taking money for tickets to win raffle baskets and the split the pot as well.  I was asked to be a member of the local chapter board so I accepted with the condition that it be a low-committment position!  Today also kicks off Huntington's Disease Awareness Month and I'm celebrating by offering 10% of the proceeds from all orders from my Chloe and Isabel site for each "Hand in Hand" sterling silver wrap bracelet (like I'm wearing below), earrings, or necklace to the Huntington's Disease Society of America!  The wrap bracelet is the perfect blue to match the color dedicated for HD!  You can order from my Chloe and Isabel site here!

I'm excited for the Flying Pig and of course there will be a recap of it next week along with the monthly Wedding Wednesday post!  Lots of details to share and engagement pictures are next week too! Yay!  Have a great weekend!