Putting it, and myself, all out there. Transformation time.

As most of you know who spend any time on social media sites - Tuesday is unofficially "Transformation Tuesday".  I typically find some comparison shots and put them side by side to show some progress I've made and have done collages of my face and how it's changed, outfits side by side, and more recently some side by sides in a little bit less clothing than I'd normally wear and post pictures in, but nothing too risqué.

I have promised you all long that when I was ready, I'd share my transformation pictures from when I started.  Today is that day.

I don't know really how I decided I was finally ready, but I am.  These are embarrassing, but I'm also extremely proud.  I wish I didn't have to find myself at 245 pounds, unable to close the seatbelt on a roller coaster that I'd ridden the year or so before to have my "ah ha" moment.  I wish it wouldn't have been so funny at the time that going to the buffet after this incident was naturally the only thing to do.

I AM glad that I "thought it would be funny" to run 26 miles on my 26th birthday.  I am glad that I have a favorite charity to run and raise money for and knowing that made me keep going - when people give you money, you kind of have to - word to the wise.  I'm also glad I made the decision to take a picture on January 1st, 2013 when I decided that someway, somehow - I was going to change my life.  I needed to.  I HAD to because I certainly wasn't healthy and was a terrible example as a nurse for my patients and others around me.  It was time for a change.  Now I have that picture to compare when I think I'm having a bad day, and I'm struggling making the decision on what I SHOULD eat instead of what I want to eat.  I don't have it all figured out just yet.  Every meal is a struggle because it's a whole lot easier to go through a drive thru - and often cheaper - to get something than purchase and prepare good foods.  It's upsetting, but it's true.  I lived that lifestyle of work, eat, sleep, repeat.  Except add "eat" in there a few more times.  I was/am addicted to food, I'd sneak to get it, eat multiple dinners (one on my way home from work, one at home too), hide the evidence of fast food, and I was pretty good at it.  Except it shows on the outside what you put on the inside.  If I had to guess, I'd say I was eating about 3,000-4,000+ calories a day - and that is how you get into the position I was in, and hardly even realized I was doing it. Until you actually care to look and track what you're putting into your mouth, it's amazing to know just how many calories are in things.

Today - I track.  Even if it's not on MyFitnessPal every single day, I am very aware of what I've eaten.  I ask myself when I'm struggling "Is this GOOD for you?  Will this DO ANYTHING good for your body?" and about 90% of the time I win that battle with myself in moments of weakness.  No, not every time.  I'm not perfect.  I crave and want things I don't always let myself have.  I think this will be a life long battle for me.  It's not me vs. food - it's me vs. myself.

So, as promised - here I am.  I am proud beyond measure of what I have done in the last 15 months. 

I have a long way to go - but I'm not done.  Yes, I have stretch marks. A lot of them. No, they aren't from the miracle of child birth, but from a lot of years of poor food choices. They have faded, but are a constant reminder of what I have put my body through.

While I'm in the sharing mood - I have some other news I'm excited to tell you all about!  I had been working with my trainer Sara on and off since last July and I had wonderful results while following her nutrition and exercise plans while training for the marathon.  I stepped back from it but loosely ate based off of what I learned from her about what works for my body and what doesn't.  I maintained my weight through my vacation/holidays/the new year with only 24 day challenges in between and that is pretty amazing.  However, I felt it was time to go in a new direction and change things up a bit.  I will start training with Darin from FiveStarr Fitness very soon!  We're in the process of getting my plan set up, fully customized for me, my goals (Wedding dress!  Bikini honeymoon!), and where I want to go from here. I wanted to try something new and I've found a nice new place with some amazing girls who I feel support from already and I haven't even started yet.  I'm excited for this change and where I can go from here.