Friday, January 31, 2014

WW week 1 and another kind of loss.

This week was all sorts of backwards - firstly I scheduled myself four 12 hour days and two 8 hour days plus call leaving me with just Thursday off.  I'm going to a conference in February and will have a nice chunk of time off and I have goals to meet to make payments on things for the wedding so I'm working a ton right now.  I also had my first orientee's in the ICU this week - just 6 months after being out of orientation myself.  It's a lot of responsibility and it says a lot to me about what the educators and management think of me.

So naturally, I wasn't getting a lot of workouts in this week.  I did get to Zumba and did my Best Body Bootcamp at home workouts but admittedly not to my full potential.  I didn't run AT. ALL.  This makes my third week in a row that I haven't consistently ran.  I literally slept in my running clothes Sunday night with intentions to run Monday morning before work and the alarm went off and I saw it was -20 degrees outside and I just couldn't get out of bed.

Monday afternoon I found out my Grandma died.  About a year ago she was diagnosed with a pericardial effusion (excessive fluid around her heart) and they weren't going to aggressively treat it, so they sent her to a nursing home to rehab and then my Aunt Susan had her in her home for awhile when it became more than they could handle.  about 18 months ago my Grandma was fully independent, driving, living alone in an apartment, etc, then she ended up hospitalized and got a UTI which can make older people really out of it.  She started acting really strange and being inappropriate when she was in the nursing home and she found her car keys in my Aunt's house and decided to drive and got lost for many hours but finally was able to make it back unharmed.  They sold her car, got rid of her apartment and she was placed into an Alzheimer's/memory care unit at another nursing home where she spent the rest of her days.  There were times things made sense to her and she was frustrated that she was there, and other times she didn't make hardly any sense at all.  It was sad to see such a sharp, witty person lose their spunk.  Recently I was told she had been falling a lot and about two weeks ago she fell before the staff heard her bed alarm going off and got there too late and she was already down.  Her whole left side was bruised up and she had a huge knot on her cheekbone and by her eye.  I was told after that she wasn't conscious most of the time and they had hospice in with her already due to her declining state so they made sure she was comfortable and she passed peacefully.  I think, just from seeing her yesterday at the viewing, she had a stroke and a slow bleed and that would explain her facial droop and state of consciousness this last week.  They made her look very nice and the family who ran the funeral home was very sweet to all of us.

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday in the OR and had fairly uneventful days.  Tuesday I went to my first official Weight Watchers meeting and I loved the leader that runs this one. I sat in on another meeting and that leader was okay but this one really had a lot of spunk and was a lot of fun. I'm hoping to continue with the Tuesday night meetings as my schedule allows.  I was down 5 pounds from my weigh in at home the previous Tuesday when I signed up!  There's a Zumba class at 7 that fits perfectly after the meeting and I think it sounds like a great Tuesday tradition for me.  Wednesday Kyle drove up to Columbus to see his Mom who had surgery that day so I was on dog duty and it was way too cold to take her for a walk still so I decided I would relax, get caught up on my DVR, and call it a night.

The viewing was yesterday and I ran errands in the morning while Kyle worked part of the day before we headed up to be with the family.  The funeral was this morning and it was just how she would have wanted it.  It was tough to see how upset my Mom was and knowing there wasn't anything to make her feel any better.  Grandma wanted to be cremated so tomorrow we will lay her ashes at the cemetery and  put her to rest.

My Grandma was a beacon of strength.  After burying two of her own son's as children, her husband of cancer, and in more recent years both of her sisters, she was never one to dwell on the bad.  She always was smiling and laughing - maybe a little goofy to some but it is what got her through.  I'd like to think my positivity came from her, that and my love for reading.  Both my maternal and paternal grandmothers love reading, but her, my maternal grandma, was a librarian for 18 years.  I remember growing up and spending a lot of time with her there.  My mom and I even lived with her for awhile when I was young after my dad and her divorced and before she met and we moved in with my now step-dad.  I remember starting kindergarten and getting on the bus at her house and her being home when I got off the bus.  She'd make me "coffee milk" (just warm milk while she drank coffee) and her famous sausage and eggs. She taught me to bake pies from scratch and with love.  Everyone laughs about how thrifty she was but she lived 81 years and was a child during the Depression and I'm sure raising 6 children made her value every penny she had.  She would be that person ordering water at a restaurant and asking for extra lemons and sugar to make her own lemonade.  A treat for her was a single taco from Taco Bell and maybe an ice cream cone.  She valued the simple things in life and we would do well to do that ourselves.

Life will resume after this weekend.  I'm thankful my employer allows for up to three paid days off for bereavement and it allowed me to come up and be a part of all of this.  I'm the oldest granddaughter and I'm sad she won't be at our wedding but in all actuality she wasn't well enough to have come even if she hadn't passed.  At the funeral home last night there were wedding pictures of her and my grandpa and one of them running out of the church with everyone throwing rice at them was just so precious and stuck out to me.  I asked to borrow that one for our "in memory" photos at our wedding for those who can't be with us.  You'll all be seeing that one when the time comes.

I'm sort of glad January is coming to a close.  I'm ready to put it behind us and start February with a fresh start on all things running, workouts, life, Weight Watchers, and hope we don't have any more losses anytime soon.

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